You've Got a Friend in Me
by tvfan69
Summary: Takes place after 2x06. Alex has just put herself through a whirlwind of self examination and now she's wondering if maybe it was all for nothing, or if maybe she still has more to go. Up is down and down is up and there is nothing that makes sense to her right now. So of course the person she finds herself counting on for help is the person who last turned her life on its side.


Alex was far past the point of confusion.

She had never, literally never up until a week ago, ever even considered that she might be gay. She had always attributed her intimacy issues to a… side effect if you will, of her headstrong personality. She was never the kind of girl to take kindly to the traditional "gentleman". She never wanted a man holding the door open for her or giving her his jacket. While these gestures were viewed by society as sweet and loving, they had always seemed degrading to her. She could never understand why her boyfriend should have to endure being soaked by rain when she had been the one too thoughtless to bring an umbrella, or why he should sleep on the couch if they were fighting. Of course she was never attracted to men who lacked these qualities either. They were typically the cheaters, the ones who badmouthed their girlfriend's, or at the very least ignored them. She never wanted to be like the girls she knew in high school and college, who once they started dating someone they suddenly became an accessory of that boy's life. She had accepted long ago that what she was looking for in life was not someone who treated her like a possession, no matter how well or how poorly. What she wanted out of a relationship was a partner and someone who would call her out when she was wrong.

Maybe that just wasn't possible with the opposite sex.

But maybe that was her problem. Maybe she really HASN'T simply met the right guy yet and this is only her starting to get desperate. She shook her head, something about that theory made her gut twist as though she were going to be sick. That wasn't her problem; hell, did she even have a problem?

The answer to that had her, for whatever reason, thinking back to Vicky. It was true what she told Kara, but were those the real reasons? Maybe the only reason she had enjoyed sharing a bed with Vicky was simply because she enjoyed sharing a bed with _someone_? It wasn't as cold, and she wasn't at home meaning that she was someone other than Kara's sister. But then again, she had always looked away when they were getting changed for bed. In fact, she'd often looked away when in the locker room at school too. There was something about it, seeing the other girls, that had always felt… something akin to intrusive, to her. Not to mention that sometimes she would catch herself staring, but she told herself it was out of insecurity. Was that why she looked away? Because she no longer wished to compare herself to the other girls? Was that really even the reason she had ever looked to begin with?

"Gaah!" She all but cried out in frustration, after nearly ten minutes of pacing up and down her bedroom still only one thing was clear in the mind of Alex Danvers, and that was simply the fact that nothing was clear.

Admitting, again, that she was never going to be able to make heads or tails of this by herself she took a seat on her bed and began scanning through the contacts of her phone. It was pointless, as there was really no one other than Maggie whom she truly felt could help her right now, and Maggie was so clearly not an option right now. She briefly considered calling Kara, but she had no idea what she would say to her sister that she hasn't already. Her mother was obviously out of the question, as she was in no mood to be belittled. She considered J'onn, and maybe she would've felt better about the idea of calling him if he weren't still recovering from the attack by Parasite, as Winn had dubbed the defeated mutant. Of course J'onn recovering means J'onn lying on a hospital bed with nothing to do but talk and most likely growing more and more restless by the second. With that thought in mind she tapped the contact and called him before she could stop herself, but when the line went to voicemail after five rings she figured that someone must have sedated him in order to get him to rest.

"Hi J'onn, it's Alex. I'm just calling to check in on you; it sounds like you're asleep so I'll stop by later. Bye."

With her message left, because without one J'onn would undoubtedly grow concerned once he saw the missed call, Alex once again scanned through her contacts. She knew there would be no one else of course, no one she truly felt that she could trust. She was about to give up when one name, however, did catch her eye. Everything inside of her was screaming, begging her not to call the number. She probably should've avoided the **M** section of the list altogether. But she hadn't, and with a deep breath of courage she called the number.

 _Ring…_

 _Ring…_

 _Ri-_ "Agent Danvers?"

Alex's mouth fell open but no words came out, not at first.

"Look whatever it is the DEO thinks I did, and while I'm sure you're all very anxious to lock-"

"Not everything is about you Max." She found herself interrupting him, and suddenly there was something in her life that made sense again. Max was being obnoxious, even over the phone she could picture that cocky and amused smirk on his face, just the way it should be. "This isn't about work," She continued, "This is about me, really needing a drink and _really_ needing someone to talk to."

There was silence on the other end at first, why wouldn't there be? She had only called up one of the DEO's biggest pains in the ass out of the blue, especially considering the DEO had barely heard a peep from him since Myriad, and asked him to go get a drink like they're friends or something. The whole thing was just crazy, and for a minute she thought that Max might have hung up, but then-

"Does Noonan's in an hour work for you?" He asked and Alex couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped her.

"Works perfect, see you there." She confirmed before ending the call, wondering what exactly she had just done.

* * *

Alex did not wait an hour before arriving at Noonan's. She tried, oh she truly did try, but she just could not bear anxiously pacing around the empty rooms of her apartment any longer. She tried taking her time in getting ready, but she has never really been one to debate between outfits, and it's not like she has a lot of hair to comb through. She was ready within twenty minutes, and she could've been ready in half that time had she not purposely been going so slowly. She took the long way to the bar but still arrived ten minutes early. In the end she decided that she didn't care. She knows how to hold her liquor, so it shouldn't be a huge deal if she were already a drink or two in by the time Max got here.

But she didn't even finish her first before she felt a very familiar presence approaching from behind her, followed by a very familiar face, laying claim to the previously empty barstool next to her.

"Alex Danvers, to what do I owe the pleasure?" He asked and she offered him a smirk.

"What? You and I can't just meet up for drinks and catch up?" She mocked him.

"Not unless the world is about to be destroyed." He teased in return, "But seriously, you did sound pretty upset on the phone, care to tell me why?"

When he asked Alex could only bring herself to stare down at her drink and ponder over her thoughts in silence. While she did Max ordered himself a beer, and when it arrived he took a long sip before once again speaking.

"Is it your sister?" He asked, she looked up but he was still studying his bottle and avoiding her eyes, she decided to do the same.

"No," she replied,

"Your boss?"

"No,"

"Your father?" She looked up at that one, and he gave her a deadpan look intended to make her question why she would ever doubt he knew about her father, and as always it worked.

"No," she answered, deciding she could wait until later to drag it out of him what he knew about her father and how he had obtained such information.

"Then what?" He asked and she sighed, thinking that maybe she could put it off some more but if that were what she really wanted then she wouldn't have called Max. Instead she slipped her bracelet off her wrist and began turning it over and over in her hands, as though sliding her fingers along the cool metal of it's slim surface were the only thing that could get her through this.

"I _think_ that I might, possibly, maybe… be gay."

For the record, it came out of her mouth a lot easier this time than it had when she had spoken with Kara. But when the words were out of her mouth and she suddenly had the nerve to look at Max again, well she began to think Kara's reaction had been better. At least Kara asked questions, prompted more information out of her, tried to understand. Max, well Max was dead silent. He was staring at her, eyes slightly wider than they had been a moment ago and when he did react it was in the form of taking a swig of his beer. In any other situation Alex might have felt some pride from this, being able to render Maxwell Lord of all people speechless, but right now she didn't want him speechless. Right now, for most likely the first and last time, she desperately wanted to hear anything that might come out of his mouth.

"I'll be honest, I was not expecting that." He finally said as he placed his drink down. "Now for the record, I have nothing but respect for the LGBTQ community. But I did hear words such as think, might, possibly, and maybe in that statement." He continued and Alex honestly couldn't help but grin slightly in amusement at his point, because the idea that something so timid sounding had actually come out of her mouth was, frankly, hard to believe. "So, why all the confusion?"

Alex sighed, trying to put her thoughts into words but just like when she told Kara she was finding herself unable to.

"I don't know," she finally decided on, or rather she finally stopped trying to put her complex feelings into words. "I mean it's not like I would be ashamed of it, or even afraid of it. I guess… I guess I'm just worried, you know? I mean, I swore I would never cut my hair but I did. I loved princesses when I was a little girl but that ended. I went through a phase when I was in high school where I didn't ever want to be touched, to this day Kara is basically the only person who will hug me." Max was laughing his ass off by now, of course, and so really Alex had no other choice but to hit him on the back of the head.

"I'm sorry," he apologized as he struggled to regain his composure. "I'm sorry. It's just the idea of a little Alex Danvers dressed up as Sleeping Beauty-" it wasn't entirely clear if he cut himself off with another fit of giggles, or if it was the second slap to the back of the head from Alex that did it. Regardless, it was still another few minutes before he was controlled enough for her to continue.

"Are you done?" She asked and he, still red in the face, nodded.

"For now," he assured, Alex rolled her eyes in response.

"I guess I'm just worried that I'll go through this whole headache of coming out, which mostly will only be a problem for my mother, only for it to pass as a phase and leave me totally humiliated." She wasn't sure if the explanation made any sense, or even if Max was really listening, but when he began clearing his throat she felt that she at least got the answer to the second question. "Are you going to laugh again?" She asked before he could speak, as if the quip would somehow make this conversation less monumental.

"For now, although I definitely want to see a picture sometime of you in a Cinderella dress." He mocked and while she normally would've been annoyed, even angry with herself for giving him such material for jokes, Alex found herself smiling a small smile. "I don't know why you called me with this, because I don't have an answer for you." He deadpanned and she nodded, this wasn't news to her. "But that being said, so what if it is a phase?" He asked, "Maybe you are just frustrated with men, although I can't imagine why."

"Look in the mirror lately?" Alex interrupted; the insult being right there and at this point is was practically instinct for her to take it.

Max chuckled but otherwise chose to ignore the comment, knowing that it wasn't one he could throw back in her face, not right now anyway.

"And so what if it's not a phase?" He asked, "If you ask me it makes you even more of a badass."

Alex quirked an eyebrow at him, as it is very far from his nature to give her a blatant compliment. But he had, and despite the fact that he washed it down with the rest of his beer he didn't seem to be denying it.

"So you admit I'm a badass?" She asked as Max ordered two more beers, one for each of them, and focused his attention very intently on swishing around the liquid inside of his.

"And I'm not going to say it again." He promised before looking her in the eyes with so much sincerity that it nearly caused her heart to stop for a second. "What I am going to say is that I always come out on top-"

"I thought I made it clear that this was not about you?" Alex thought aloud,

"But yet you, Alex, never seemed to care about that. You were always so sure that you could beat me, to the point where you didn't even hesitate to slam my head against my desk when I threatened your sister."

"You're lucky I didn't break your neck," Alex once again interrupted and once again it went unacknowledged.

"You are not someone who lets others intimidate her. Now regardless of if this is a passing thing or not, people are going to have things to say. So now might not be the best time to start listening." He told her before taking another long sip of his drink; she decided things might be best for her if she did the same. "Now I have to ask," he continued once he was done with the beer for the moment. "What brought on this great revelation?"

Alex smirked at his question, or maybe it was just the familiar smirk on his own face that made her happy, made her world feel like it was spinning the right way again.

"What do you think?" She asked between another small sip of her beer, he waited until she was done to respond.

"Is she pretty?" He asked,

"Are you going to try and steal her from me if she is?" She asked and Max chuckled.

"Well if she's gay I don't think I stand much of a chance." He pointed out but, much to his surprise, Alex simply shrugged.

"Still stand a better chance than I did, because God knows she didn't want anything to do with me." She took another swig of her drink as she said this; trying to ignore the surprisingly shocked expression Max was currently fixing her with.

"Come again?" He asked; all hints of joking now vanished from his face as well.

"You heard me," Alex replied, "Long story short she encouraged me to come out, at least to Kara, and when I did she was happy about it but then told me that she didn't like me like that."

Max only looked at her for a long minute or two after the explanation, as though he were waiting for her to tell him that what she had just said was some cruel joke and that tomorrow night she had a date with this girl who had flipped her entire world upside down. But she never did, she couldn't, and when he finally realized that she swore she saw something akin to anger flash through his eyes.

"Bitch," he murmured. Alex looked at him in both shock and a little bit of anger, which he noticed but only responded to with a shrug. "What?" He asked, "This girl clearly knew that you were into her, she made you rethink everything about yourself and drop a huge bomb on your sister, and then she just turned you away. No wonder you're so confused." He defended himself and while Alex would refuse to agree that Maggie is a bitch, she would not deny that the situation Max just reiterated sounded like a bitch move.

"So what do you think?" She asked him, "Other than Maggie's a bitch."

"So it has a name," He mused with a sadistic smile that Alex wasn't entirely sure if it scared her or made her feel better. "I think… that you just had your heart broken, but it opened you up to this whole new mindset. Maybe you are gay and maybe you're not, so maybe instead of focusing on trying to figure out a category for yourself you should instead just focus on whatever, whoever, makes you happy." He advised, now it was Alex's turn to be left speechless for a good minute or two.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say that you care about me Maxwell." She mocked when she finally found her voice and he smirked as he rose to his feet.

"Good thing you know me better," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder as he stood up in a way that made it look like he was using her to steady himself.

But he wasn't that drunk, he'd only had two beers. The gentle squeeze he gave her shoulder revealed what he was really doing, although Alex couldn't exactly find words to put it into.

"Take care," he said, and with that he left.

"You to," Alex murmured far too low for him to hear, even if he weren't already halfway across the crowded room and reaching for the door.

With him gone Alex finished what was left of her drink before slipping on her leather jacket, leaving the money on the counter, and heading out to the parking lot. As she neared her bike she thought back on the past hour, and then the past 24 hours. She was still hopelessly confused, but that wasn't a feeling that would be going away anytime soon no matter who she talked to. It was funny how Maxwell Lord, who just last year the thought of seeing made her cringe, was somehow able to take the things keeping her up at night and turn them into something as easy to talk about as the weather. As she settled on her bike a thought crossed her mind that she might possibly be bisexual, something else that she never considered.

"Or maybe I'm just losing my mind," she mumbled to herself while securing her helmet. That sounded like a pretty safe bet, that she was just going crazy.

As she sped off, however, she did come to one conclusion. She was going to take Max's advice and stop worrying about finding the right category to sort herself into. Her plan, for now, would be to keep an open mind and wait to see what, or who, fate has in store for her.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Ok so just for the record, because i know i put a lot of** **questioning in this fic, i have nothing against Alex and Maggie. In fact i think i might be shipping them if Max is gone. The thing is, i just really miss Max in general and i feel like after what happened in the last episode Alex might be a little confused as to if she's really gay, or if maybe Maggie was a one time crush. I don't know, i think they might get together eventually, i just miss Max right now.**


End file.
